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Roulette is my favorite game is Las Vegas. Being a scientist, this sounds like an idiotic statement to most of my colleagues. When you understand the odds, it's easy to see that roulette has the absolute worst odds of the Big Three of table games (although all tables have bad bets, of course). So, why do I love it so? Because it's the most social, the most colorful, any cockeyed theory you can come up with might just be a big winner that night, and, Listen Up, you can get the most free drinks for the least money. That's a Vegas winner in my book! |
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Okay, okay. I have friends who swear that the Blackjack table is the way to make your money last. But where's the fun and excitement? Other than the Blackjack dealer that actually was cheating for us (an unbelievable occurence on the Strip), Blackjack has rules to follow and well, rules suck. Plus, if you get too drunk and stop following the rules, some geezer in seat 2 will start blaming your bad plays for all his loses. I actually had a fellow Blackjack player tell me she was just waiting to die. Are you kidding me? So, unless you can stock your table with a Fun Crowd, enjoy Counting cards, or find a bored dealer willing to Cheat, steer clear of this sleeper. You're still going to lose- eventually. |
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On to Craps and the only true odds in Vegas. That's right, the backup bet on the pass line (and come line) is True Odds. It can also be very exciting when the rollers are Hot, and I don't mean plastic with a low cut tank top... although that makes for interesting people-watching. But when the table is cold, which is over 50% of the time, money goes, and it goes Fast. Sure, I've won some big chunks at the Craps table, but you have to learn to walk away, and if you're in Vegas to Gamble, you probably won't walk away fast enough, especially when waiting for the return of the cocktail waitress. Plus, once drunk, the pass line conservatism gets chucked out the window and money goes to the House even faster. Or, sadly, to the slightly less drunk guy next to you who starts filching your chips- if only they were color-coded! |
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Which brings us to Roulette, the shining star of drunken gambling. First step is to choose a crowded table with happy people. At least three other gamblers is a positive sign, even better if they appear to cover the entire table with chips every bet- this slows the game down (more on this later). Sure, the happy guy chatting with you and your brother might have gone to prison for stabbing someone, but that's a story for another day. Point is, he was an extremely entertaining and friendly murderer. Second step is to check the minimum bet. I'm cheap, so I say 50 cents max, which would be a $2 minimum bet table (4 bets inside). The dollar unit tables tend to jump right up to $5 minimum bets- that's just not necessary. |
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You may be thinking that I'm at least smart enough to have a system for the outside (Red/Black, Odd/Even). Let me share a little cautionary tale with you... Once upon a time, I was playing Roulette at an off-strip casino. A guy sat down with a pile of hundreds and said the oft heard Vegas phrase: "I have a system that can't lose!" He proceeded to tell me how he used this method to win over $1000 at another casino and they had made him leave. His system? Double your bet on black until you win. Yep, that's true, eventually black will come up and you'll win your original bet. He bet one hundred dollars on black. Only six reds in a row and this guy was cleaned out: $100 -> $200 -> $400 -> $800 -> $1600 -> $3200... I've seen much longer runs, too. Don't get duped by doubling. Your new Vegas Roulette mantra: Exponentials are a Bitch. |
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Ok, now here's how to make $20 or $40 last you All Night. Bet the inside and bet only the minimum every time. Chances are you'll hit once and a while, and meanwhile you'll be downing the drinks, and chatting about crazy number-picking schemes with your fellow players. (I have my own crazy scheme that I swear works like a charm, but you'll have to wait another day for that yarn, too.) A table where other betters are betting all over the table runs Slow, as the dealer has to collect all those chips up and pay out all the winners after each roll. These tables help your $20 last even longer with the added bonus of payout entertainment! By the way, sometimes these Cover Betters win big and go home, but, usually, they win big and then lose bigger, so don't feel bad about your little minimum bets. I've walked away $100 up at a 50 cents table, but usually I walk after a few hours, $20 down, drunk and happy. On to the next Casino! |
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